This fitness journey started like a lot of other people’s journeys; I saw a picture of myself and didn’t like what I saw. It was from Christmas, so that January I made use of the cookbooks and Instant Pot I received as gifts to try to learn more basic cooking skills and recipes. But when the pandemic hit I normalized drinking wine with dinner, and after dinner. And Animal Crossing: New Horizons had just come out. So that was my March and April and May. And a bit of June too.

The summer snapped me out of my coma and I decided things had to change. I had gained about extra 30lbs over the last year or so. Since I had all this extra time on my hands being at home it wasn’t that hard to start making all my meals and tracking my calories with an app. This alone helped me lose some weight, but I wanted to be more active too. I never learned how to ride a bike having grown up on a dirt road far away from all my friends, so my boyfriend taught me! It was scary and awkward and embarrassing but he wouldn’t let me give up. Soon I gained the confidence to go out on my own—with a helmet of course. I also played Just Dance on my Nintendo Switch on rainy days since I missed my dance days as a kid.

This picture of me is on my 23rd birthday, the first time I started to feel good in my body in years.

In September 2020 the tube in my bike tire broke, but I really wanted to get outside and move. My new roommate was a runner and my boyfriend had said he could see me really getting a lot out of running but I just snorted and shook my head. I was the kid wheezing at the back of the pack all through school; I wasn’t compatible with running. A few days later, I said f**k it, let’s give it another try.

It was awful. I couldn’t run for longer than three minutes without gassing myself out and having to stop and walk. I did that a few times along my regular walking route and came home questioning my choices. A couple of days later I thought well, surely my second run will be better? No, it was pretty much the same level of awful. My roommate suggested I try the Couch to 5k app—it’s mainly interval training where you run with several walking breaks. The intervals were between three and 10 minutes. It sounded super doable for me so I gave it a shot. The first run was almost easy, I couldn’t believe it. Then about five weeks into the eight-week plan I had to run for 20 minutes without stopping. I thought there was no way—it was a big jump. I told myself I didn’t have to do it on the first try. So I went in with low pressure, but I pushed harder than I ever had before. It was a pride thing, I didn’t want to fail. And I didn’t. I did that damn 20 minutes and I felt amazing. That day I became a runner.

On Friday, November 27, 2020, I ran my first 5k. I ever ran a couple more after that. Then the snow came and my fitness journey got paused. Over the winter I used the Fabulous app to build some more healthy habits in my life like journaling. Lots and lots of journaling. Then I downloaded the FitOn app to try some free follow-along workouts. My mom gave me her 5lb dumbbells to use because they were too light for her—she was in her late 60s at the time! It used to bother me to hear about her workout out at the gym with her trainer and all these cool new exercises she was learning. I hated the mirror she held up to me, so once again my boyfriend encouraged me to try something new and scary and I snorted and said hell no. In September 2021 I joined Goodlife Fitness.

My mom helped me pay for a few weeks with a trainer so I could learn proper form and not feel so intimidated working out at a gym (Thanks Mom!). I don’t think I’d be where I am today with my fitness without my trainer Stacy. I’ve never injured myself and I feel confident in what she taught me as well as learning new machines and movements because of the foundation she gave me. I wasn’t really running beyond doing 10 to 15 minutes on the treadmill to warm up, instead I was falling in love with weightlifting.

Over the next year and a half, I was inconsistent with the gym. I went when it was convenient, and often made excuses to not go. Life happened—I moved to Gatineau with my boyfriend and had to join Anytime Fitness, I went off my anti-depressants and got sick, and I quit my day job and went full-time with my business. The fear of being out on my own was so much that to cope I went all in on my fitness journey.

In July 2023 I challenged myself to go to the gym five days in a row and documented it on Instagram. It wasn’t easy, but I did it, and I got over the mental block that going two or three days in a row was more than doable for me. That August I started lifting weights three to five times a week. I really improved on my strength, but I still didn’t quite feel healthy. Something was missing. In October, I decided I’d run my first 10k by Christmas.

I found a free training plan online, printed it out, and put it on my fridge. After each workout, I’d cross it off with a highlighter. Life still went on, but I only skipped one workout for a doctor’s appointment. But then with three weeks left of my training plan, I got COVID.

I was out of commission for a week and a half, but I was determined to still run 10k by Christmas. So, after being in bed for a week I started going on walks to build my strength back up and managed to get back into my training plan. Then, on December 17, 2023, I ran my first 10k.

I was fully drinking the Kool-Aid, I was obsessed with running. During my training in the fall, I registered for Ottawa Race Weekend in May 2024. Instead of starting training two to three months ahead of the race I just took a training plan and stretched it out so I could start training right away in January to get the best possible time for the race. I was training six days a week.

Once again, I got sick during my training. This time it was Swine Flu in March—a week and a half out of commission. I was frustrated but knew I had plenty of time to get back on track. And that’s exactly what I did, slowly building my strength back up with walks until I could get back to training. I was so excited for the race I’d tear up thinking of crossing that finish line. It was all I wanted to think about. I was supposed to be working on building my business, but that was too scary. So instead, I ran.

The race was an amazing experience and I was so proud of all the work I put in. I gave it all I had, and when I saw my boyfriend and his family cheering me on at the end I threw my arms up and screamed—I felt on top of the world. I’d gotten a personal best just like I hoped, and I ordered myself a big celebratory Shawarma platter for dinner that night.

After the race the haze cleared, and I realized just how much I was neglecting my business. My goal wasn’t to become a fitness influencer, so I needed to stop acting like one. I had become addicted to exercising as a way to cope with anxiety and depression. The problem was I couldn’t just quit exercising; I had to create a healthy relationship with it. I had also created a toxic relationship with eating as well in this process; counting calories and “eating back” what I had burned from running. It supported this lifestyle of thinking about fitness and nutrition 24/7. Realizing my impending orthorexia, I stopped tracking my food altogether and within a few days I was less stressed.

To my luck, my best friend had been inspired to start running, so what had been a solitary obsession could now be a healthy social activity. We ran together weekly and I continued my weight training for the rest of 2024. I managed to find a balance. I had already been obsessed with fitness and nutrition, so the knowledge was there and the habits were built. I no longer needed to eat, breathe, and sleep exercise. I can now live my life and just be healthy. I’m still pushing for PBs in and out of the gym, but now it’s simply in pursuit of getting stronger so I can have a longer health span.

I still catch myself setting lofty goals like running a half-marathon because I still truly love running, even if I was just using it as an escape for a while. This is why I’m thankful for the people in my life keeping me in check, so when I do set goals for myself they’re set with the right intentions at the right time.